Os abutres da cultura

A caminho da Índia, vasculhando nas revistas disponibilizadas a bordo, dei com a preciosidade que transcrevo na íntegra, sob o título "Culture vultures". A autora é uma tal Rupa Gulab, a revista é a Hard News (para quem não conhece, como eu não conhecia, podem ir a www.hardnewsmedia.com e dar uma vist de olhos). Realmente os ventos do puritanismo que sopram com violência das madrasas ameaçam influenciar as mentes mais predispostas a impor aos outros a sua moral. E a Índia, que está rodeada de países muçulmanos que tendem para repúblicas islâmicas, tem, ainda por cima umas largas dezenas de milhão de muçulmanos dentro das suas fronteiras. Leiam:

“Whenever I read or hear about Pakistan’s growing band of fundamentalists, I get on my knees, kiss the ground beneath my feet, and fervently bless my grandparents for making a very wise decision in 1947: choosing India over Pakistan. This happens at least a hundred times a day, so it keeps me nice and trim. But now that India’s moral police are beginning to give stiff competition to even the Taliban, I may have to give up this practice. The thing is, I’m frightened. Even innocent kisses are frowned upon in public places.

What shocks me most is that the moral police are doing this (they self-righteously say) to protect Indian culture. Good heavens, do you think the poor dears believe that Kamasutra was written by a dirty-minded Westerner? Or that Khajuraho temple sculptures were created by another dirty-minded Westerner? Or (gasp) that Bollywood flicks are actually made by Hollywood, and the skimpily clad stars making vulgar gestures are dirty-minded Westerners made up to look like Indians? Shouldn’t we tell them the truth? Come on, how long can we shield them from reality?

I’m sure they are reasonable people. Once they discover that Indian culture does include sensuality, they’ll probably recoil in horror, hastily pack their bags and go someplace else where minds are spotlessly pure. I have no idea where on earth this place may be, but I sincerely hope it’s very, very far away. It’s best to break the news to them gently (or else it may break their frail hearts) but we have to do it fast because they are taking the shine off India’s new super-power status by making us look incredibly small-minded and (worse word coming up) hypocritical. I’d like to make crystal clear that I’m not implying that being progressive means being debauched; I’m saying we must move with the times. And the times they are a-changin’.

I felt terribly sad when a hue and cry broke out in Pakistan after pictures of Tourism Minister Nilofer Bakhtiar hugging a male paraglider hit the press: I’m keeping my fingers crossed for her safety. A few days later, our very own moral police made my depression hit rock-bottom. They went on an effigy-burning spree because Richard Gere planted kisses on Shilpa Shetty’s cheek at an AIDS awareness event. Not a pretty sight, but honestly, it was more comical than obscene. And what did they expect her to do anyway? Slap him? I find it extremely odd that this sanctimonious lot rarely (if ever) lead protest marches against really disturbing issues like rape. Now, if they did that too, I’d be one of their biggest supporters.

What’s worrying is that India’s moral police are practically everywhere these days. Recently, Mumbai’s cops went on a rampage. Young couples engaged in PDA (Public Display Affection) were whisked away to police stations, where fines were imposed even for “offences” like holding hands. Incidentally, some of these couples were married, so you can imagine their outrage when the cops made tell-all phone calls to their mummies and daddies.

It’s getting so ridiculous, I wouldn’t be astonished if cartoon channels find themselves in trouble too. Suppose, just suppose, the moral police catch sight of Donald Duck with his wings lovingly draped around Daisy Duck? That’s certainly bound to ruffle a few feathers. Don’t forget that two channels have just been severely reprimanded for airing steamy programmes. So don’t be in a hurry to make that switch from cable TV do DTH, quite possibly it’s only a matter of time before Doordarshan becomes the only channel we’re permitted to watch.

Scary, huh?”